It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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