gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
