Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
