Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
