Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
