yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
