is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
