i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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