I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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