You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
