dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
