Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
