The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
