You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
