What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
