i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
