i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
