i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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