this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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