My friends, they love my intelligence
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
