Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love accidental penises.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
