they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
