I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
