Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
