I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
