dude i'm inner monologue high
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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