Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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