You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
