just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
