Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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