it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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