All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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