Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
