so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
