I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
try to milk me bitch
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