Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
