Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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