dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
