When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
