I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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