it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
