So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
