party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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