Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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