So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
