i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
