Kiss
Puke
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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