i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
