I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
