Screwed.edu
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
