I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
