This is not my ceiling
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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