Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
