If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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