pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
