dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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