My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
